


Self Determination

by MUNASHIKU



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24306586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MUNASHIKU/pseuds/MUNASHIKU
Summary: Demons are summoned when there’s no other option. William, standing on the edge of the building, staring at his fate below, has inadvertently called upon Sebastian Michaelis.
Relationships: Sebastian Michaelis/William T. Spears
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Self Determination

The people who surrounded him saw a man who was respected and feared, on the top of his game and a devoted businessman.

That was the exterior. On the interior, everything was shut down, the only thing active being the tiny voice telling him that it was time. It was a voice that had followed him for over five years now, a companion that remained when every other person turned away or ignored an attempt to reach out. It let him know of the options as each part of him went dark, failing to operate as the stress wore down his function.

Street lamps lit his path and he was the empty husk casting the shadow on the street as he found himself before the abandoned ink building. He’d scouted buildings weeks before, giving himself enough time to determine if this was really what he wanted, but also to give enough time to see if someone would finally grab his outstretched hand and pull him out of the hopelessness.

Weeks. No one had. There was nothing in his predicament that would change. He had made numerous attempts… Why bother remembering them now when they won’t matter in an hour? Nothing about him will matter except the matter of his body that would be exploded on the pavement.

He was William T. Spears. Not many people wanted to associate with him due to how he was as a person, but more importantly due to the nature of his job. Who would want to associate with a person who worked with Federal Justice? As the name hinted at, it was a federally run operation of bounty hunters that were given explicit direction to kill anyone on the List. The List contained the names of those who’d committed treason against their government or some other egregious affront. They did not question why; the time for questions had long passed.

He was part of the Management Division, and his high ranking made it difficult for him to form amicable relationships or keep them.

If he went to therapy for his issues, it would be reported to his higher ups and, at best, he would be put on administrative leave until he worked out his problems. That was wishful thinking. The more likely reality would be that he would be stripped of his rank, fired, and then blacklisted from any work opportunities in that line of work. He desperately wanted it, but with little in life to take pride in, he made sure it was his job that he put before anything else. It was the least he could do in a world where there was little he could do.

The elevator was defunct, so he took the stairs. That was okay. It would give him time to think about what little he’d be leaving behind. He had no family to speak of, no assets aside from what was invested in the stock market, no ambitions outside of continuing to improve the efficiency of his occupation.

He ran a palm over his sweaty forehead. He’d chosen not to wear his favourite suit for his impromptu funeral—he didn’t want to ruin that beautiful craftsmanship. Therefore, he was wearing a suit that he normally wore when going to church on Sundays. It wouldn’t be missed. He played with the cross that sat in his pants pocket, thinking of all the times he’d asked for a sign that there was something more, a glimmer, a taste. They were told they’d be given what they need by the good lord, even if it wasn’t what they wanted.

A need unfulfilled. Dying was easy. Living unhappily… that’s another thing.

The man was on the roof now, appreciating the breeze that cooled his sweat. The sky was dark, and there was a glow from the city life. He stared down at the activity below. He didn’t want to inconvenience people anymore than he had to. He pulled back and walked to the other side of the roof, and peered down. An empty run down parking lot was on this side. One that would happily accept a corpse that would not hit anyone when falling down.

That voice inside him was silent now. It allowed the fears that plagued him to return. The fear that he was nothing, and that’s just what he’d become. Everything in terms of a career and position, but nothing as a human.

He’d been in this position before. On another roof, three years ago. When he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, he’d climbed a different building. The voice in his head advised him otherwise, however. His heart was crying as he contemplated doing it right then and there. The voice reminded him that he still had hope, that he shouldn’t let go of it just yet. When his heart stopped crying at the thought of him finally ending it all, that would be the day he could commit.

His heart no longer wept. It was steady, strong, rational. His mind was clear.

He raised a foot to step on the ledge. He didn’t think he’d ever felt this calm before in his life.

Both feet were on that ledge. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He could finally sleep.

A strange whistling in the air had him opening his eyes. For a second, he was confused; it was as dark as when his eyes were closed. Looking around, he realised that there was a black apparition before him. His body stumbled him backward instead of off the roof in his shock, putting a good three feet between himself and the inky blackness.

“You have summoned me here,” said a deep and terrifying voice. “I have heard your cries for many months, but it was strongest on this day.”

Yet William did not feel like he was still asking God for help anymore. After asking for so long with no results… He kept his lips shut, choosing to watch as the black void began to take on a more familiar shape. Legs, hands, and a head, though the features remained indistinct and ethereal.

“Tell me, what is it you desire?” The being asked.

“I desire to be alone so that I can put an end to all of this peacefully.” William replied, pushing his glasses up that had fallen down his nose when he stumbled.

“You would not have summoned me here if you felt there were something _you_ could do.”

His eyebrow twitched. “What are you?” The Bible often talked of demons that tempted humans to sin, and while he was a Christian, he did not believe in such things as demons or angels or the like. Unlike traditional Christians who worshipped because they believed in the holy beyond, he worshipped to be surrounded by the community. Despite his occupation, he was welcomed with open arms by the churchgoers. Little did those good feelings do now to suppress his desire for eternal slumber.

“I am a being that can grant you what your heart desires. Fortune, riches, fame, revenge… All that’s required is your soul, after you’ve been fulfilled” the being offered.

“I want none of those things,” William scoffed. “And I don’t see the need to sell my soul when I plan on dying tonight.”

“Everyone has a price,” it purred, seeming to walk closer to the desolate man. William stood his ground despite everything tell him to flee.

“What I want is something you could not grant,” he finally muttered, looking away, feeling a trickle of indignity forming within. To want what he wanted, something seemingly so easily attainable by others that surrounded him, by posts on social media; and yet, to kill oneself over it was seen as ‘classic’.

“And what, pray tell, is that?” the creature inquired, too close for comfort, and yet its presence forced the answer from the human.

“Happiness.”

The _thing_ froze and tilted its head back in laughter. Hot embarrassment rushed through his system. “What? What’s so funny?” he spat.

“Happiness, so easy to gain but so momentary and fleeting.” Out of all the things a human could ask for, he’d requested something that carried such certain uncertainty.

William was surprised by how well the creature described what he saw happiness as. “A lifetime of happiness.”

The thing hummed, flexing like a cat as it thought. “A lifetime is quite a long time. I cannot recall any human who has been happy for an entire lifetime… unless their life was ended early.” It grinned and William could see a terrifying row of teeth.

William was also smart. He could read between the lines that this monster may have intentionally let slip. If he were not careful, the creature may deem one instance of happiness good enough before ending his life, and thus technically completing the “lifetime” aspect.

“You sound very much like a demon,” William muttered, grimacing. Would he be a hypocrite to accept an offer from a demon, a creature most hated by the beings above? He didn’t necessarily believe in them, yet he still prayed to them like everyone else, and had been asking for his Lord’s help for years without an answer…

“A year then. A year to help me. At the end of that year, if I have decided that I am indeed better off from your services, having found something to look forward to, to live for, something I’d find many years of happiness from, you may take my soul.”

It seemed like such vague terms. A rather odd proposal, really. Who would want to be given hope, only to have it taken away once things look good? At this point though, he had nothing left to lose. Barring his soul, but he’d planned on jumping from the get go.

The demon’s grin grew wider.

“A demon such as yourself should be able to find someone like me something that makes me happy, yes?”

“Certainly,” the demon said so confidently. “Once you accept, you can never again turn to the Light. You will not see Heaven. You are sure you’d like to enter this contract with me?”

William blinked, consciously palming the cross that now weighed heavy in his pants pocket. He was a Christian, and had visited church every Sunday as any good Christian would. And yet, he was here, ready to commit suicide, something that was forbidden by the Lord.

But God had never sent someone to save him—

The hairs on his neck rose when a black, clawed hand reached out toward him. A peculiar seal that William recognized as a tetragrammaton marked the demon’s left hand.

He felt like he was watching from someone else’s body as his hand rose, grasped that black paw as though it were a lifeline, connecting human and otherworldly through a simple handshake.

“Yes.”

This demon was the last thing William would have expected God to send him.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So this is a story that I have no plot for at the moment. Until I do, sorry. But I adored the concept of demons greeting suicidal people because they don’t feel they have any other person to turn to and their cries for help were heard by no one else but the demons.


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